Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat. Arguably, the most popular social media platforms people are using to stay connected to their friends and family. When used responsibly, they’re great. You can see photos, video and status updates all in one place. It’s easy to see how your loved ones are doing. You don’t need to have an actual conversation with them anymore, you can just scroll down your timeline and be instantly updated. No phone calls or text messages necessary.
Social media paints an inaccurate picture
I’m here to tell you that notion is completely false. I got a shock to the system end of last year. Good friends of mine were struggling and I had no idea. Friends and associates who were going through financial difficulty, issues with employment, mental health concerns and other troubles.
The problem with social media is there is a pressure to put your best foot forward. We fear coming across weak or incapable. We use our profiles as though they are our personal representatives. A digital record of all our best achievements. A social curriculum vitae we use to sell ourselves to the world. But these profiles are completely two-dimensional. They cannot encompass the complexity and frailty of what it means to be a human being. It is foolish and masochistic to take what we see on social media at face value. Life is not always perfect. We’re not always going on holiday, getting a promotion or celebrating passing our driving test.
Social media only highlights the positives
A lot of the time we’re struggling to pay our bills, we’re worrying about how much we’re spending on food, if we’re in a relationship we’re learning how to be vulnerable and cope with challenges. Â If we’re single, we’re learning to be independent, not apologise for it and educate those who are threatened or perplexed by our single state.
There is a lot of pressure out there. Some of it external and a great deal of it internal. We’re putting pressure on ourselves to achieve goals at certain arbitrary milestones. Whose idea was it that we need to be in an amazing job with a mortgage and car by the age of 25? Society tells us that if we’re not achieving certain things in life we have failed in some way. For a lot of people, getting up in the morning, having a shower and going to work is a massive achievement. For others attending their medical appointments and keeping busy with mundane tasks is also an achievement for them.
Direct contact is rewarding and necessary.
We all have bad days
The perceived enormity of these daily tasks are what we are not sharing on social media. The fact that we struggle to do these things. There are days when we would rather stay in bed and self-isolate. Days that have been truly awful and we don’t have the energy to pretend that everything is OK. Those are probably the days when your friend hasn’t posted much online.
The image social media projects is a pure myth.
Used with permission from @MakeDaisyChains
Direct communication is rewarding
Try calling your friend or sending a text. Ask how they have been and be prepared for an honest answer. You may feel like a bad friend but you can take the opportunity to resolve to contact them regularly . Contrary to popular belief, social media is not the future of communication. We still need to call and message our friends and loved ones. Go one better and actually visit them. Social media isn’t evil in itself but it has made us lazy and complacent.
Complacency kills. You can’t nurture a relationship by the click of a like button.
If you want your relationships to grow and flourish you need to invest real time in them. Make it a goal to send more text messages and make more phone calls. Relationships are reciprocal. If anything, I hope this post encourages you to reach out on a more personal level.
You never know who may be needing your support and love.
Let me know how you get on.
Love blackpistachio x
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I agree completely! I have to sign out of my socials every now and then to really give myself a mental health break.
It’s necessary now. I don’t think I do that enough but I’m trying to use insta less x
This post rings so true. I love social media, but hate it also b/c of the things you mention. I have a friend that literally likes every single thing I post but to get her to make plans to meet up is near impossible. It makes me wonder what the point is, after all. Granted, she’s been there for me when I really needed her and I like seeing her updates everyday,but at the same time, I feel like I’m friends with a robot, lol.
Aw dude, that sucks. Virtual communication will never trump real life communication. It’s great that she’s been super supportive in the past but I deffo think spending quality time, even if it’s just a phone call is more important to maintain our relationships x
This is so true and speaks to me on so many levels. It’s so easy to look at social media and think something is wrong with us, when there is really nothing wrong at all. I agree it’s important to nurture of friendships with real contact and connection, rather than relying on social media. Great writing!
Thanks a lot, Leslie! I’ve had to disconnect from some accounts as they were affecting my self-esteem.
Really interesting post, I liked it a lot! xx
Thanks, Megan 🙂 xx
Very relevant topic – especially now that many of us are even more dependent on social media for keeping in touch due to the pandemic.
I think there is a lot of truth in what you’re saying, though there are lots of reasons why people are using social media, I guess for some people if they didn’t have it they’d probably have even less contact with certain ‘friends’ and family members – bit of a double edged sword depending o how you look at it…it certainly takes the pressure off some people who perhaps don’t want to ‘talk’ but want to stay connected. 🤔
There are also some ‘real’ honest people on social media – sharing their feelings and struggles – one guy on twitter this week said he started posting about his feelings and mental health and lost approx 200 followers in the same time frame – shocking, and says a lot about what those followers wanted to hear. 😔
It seems like some people are more interested in the fake than the real at times….a bit like they way people binge on television/films etc, just a more modern form of escapism.
I agree – real human contact with friends/family shouldn’t be completely taken over digitally – human contact is very necessary, and good for our health/wellbeing – and a hug (COVID aside) is worth more than a million likes!! 💫
If you’re reaching out (outside social media) to the people nearest and dearest to you – at least you know you’ve made your stance clear – that you’re not just a facebook (or whatever) friend/relative. 🤗
Thank you for your thoughtful comment 🙂
Completely agree with this! I know social media is hard to avoid and we’re probably all guilty of it however how nice would it be to just down tools for a while and spend quality time with friends? Everything now is documented; people uploading Snapchat stories of a gig they’re at or taking photos of themselves on a night out and sticking them on IG straight away. It’s consuming us.
It is consuming us and I won’t pretend as if I’m immune or not also struggling with lessening my social media use.
We’re not enjoying the moment anymore and I think social media has made us dangerously complacent in our relationships. They take work for them to last.