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Why I Love Going Out Alone and You Should Too

I’ve wanted to write about going out alone as a woman for a while.

The first time I went to the cinema on my own I was 18 to see Wanted at Cineworld. At 18 I was anxious about going to the cinema on my own. Now, I will happily watch two films in one day and not give a damn what anyone thinks. I’ve also been to gigs on my own, to the o2 Arena in London and the biggest thing travelling solo to New York City. Perhaps this confidence and don’t-give-a-damn attitude comes with age.

There’s a stigma when a young woman is seen in public on her own. I don’t know why but I want to explore the reason this stigma exists and what we can do to combat it. So bare with me if this post lacks any real flow or coherence.

black woman's legs are in view as she reads a book and enjoys her coffee alone

I really enjoy spending time alone. For a long time, especially in my early twenties, doing things on my own seemed scary and I felt that society pitied women seen out in public by themselves. For some reason people assume that if you’re eating out alone, at the cinema alone, a gig or anything like that then there must be something wrong with you.

Maybe you were stood up. Maybe you have no social skills so you don’t have a close-knit circle of friends. Maybe you’re a closet misanthrope who alienates people with every word that comes out of your mouth so you’re avoided like the plague.

Who remembers that scene in FRIENDS where the hot doctor turns down a date opportunity with Rachel when she finally faces her fear and enjoys a meal by herself? He labelled her a freak. I love FRIENDS and I don’t take everything in it seriously, (or any sitcom for that matter) but art imitates life so who can say this scene didn’t echo a real life sentiment- why else would anyone find it funny?

If we’re honest with ourselves we invite people to do things with us because we’re scared of being alone. We’re afraid of how people will see us. We tell ourselves we don’t but we all care what other people think. I’m not arguing that hanging out with other people is bad. It’s wonderful to share experiences with another person. But I think we’re all guilty of pressuring a friend or SO to accompany us to some event because we’re scared to go on our own.

But let me tell you a secret –  it’s so much fun to do things by yourself!

a black woman travelling alone and enjoying nature

I have had a lot of fun doing things by myself. I’ve seen bands that I adore, watched films I enjoyed, seen comedians and grown roots in indie coffee shops that I love. All by myself. (Don’t lie, you sang that line).

One of the best things about doing social stuff by yourself is you get the FULL experience. There’s no temptation to talk and miss anything. You don’t have to worry if your friend or SO is enjoying the experience as much as you. There’s no guilt or embarrassment if said SO or friend thinks the activity you forced them into was a pile of crap.

I can’t tell you how sucky it is to force someone to go to the cinema with you, or see a band and they hated it or didn’t understand the film. What’s the point of that?

black woman smiling and listening to music alone in the park

I implore you to do something by yourself this week. If you’re afraid to eat out alone, go to the cinema or see a band you love, PLEASE don’t miss the opportunity because it means going on your own! Life is way too short to miss out on great, fun experiences that will be emblazoned in your memory. Have the guts to reject the status quo and go out and enjoy yourself. Trust me when I tell you that people don’t bat an eyelid. They’re way too concerned with themselves.

I won’t lie. It takes guts to take the first step and hang out with yourself. But you’ll feel so happy afterwards. Let me know what you get up to.

Love black pistachio x

 

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74 comments so far.

74 responses to “Why I Love Going Out Alone and You Should Too”

  1. Yes!! I couldn’t agree with you more! Once went to a music festival by myself (Made in america in Philadelphia) and it was lovely. Love shopping by myself too! Haha! It’s a great skill to have and it’s wonderful to be able to enjoy your own company!! Great post! Had so much fun reading it! 🙂

    • Thank you!! And *high five* I’ve never done a music festival before. Gigs, yes, but that should probably be a goal. I really want to go on holiday by myself this year. Thank you for commenting 😊😊 xx

      • Yes! Definitely do it! I went to Miami solo by myself and it was fabulous!! Go for it! You won’t regret it! One of my earlier posts was about tips on how to do a solo vacation! Great post! 🙂

  2. Mariam says:

    I went to an event on my own last year and it was easily one of my favourite experiences. Since then I’ve treated myself to a cinema date and wondered why I insist on going with people. The only thing I am not yet comfortable with is eating alone in a restaurant. I know it’s the social stigma of woman on her own that holds me back but maybe this year I shall overcome it.

  3. Sam says:

    I’ve never thought about going a gig or the cinema on my own. Lunch, shopping or having coffee on my own isn’t something I think twice about to be honest. Maybe it is the pressure of society as thinking about doing something as sociable or seen as so sociable, such as the cinema or a big event, seems so daunting or alien. If you think about it though we probably don’t do enough things for ourselves and miss out on so much because we think the other person won’t like it or won’t want to do it. Its made me think a lot more about me beh beh! Good on you for doing it all!

  4. olliviette says:

    I used to love doing things by myself but my god it gets tiring. I do think it is important to be able to enjoy being on your solo dolo. Those single dates can be quite therapeutic and allow you to learn more about yourself.
    Olliviette – http://www.olliviette.com

    • How so?
      I agree, you definitely learn what truly interests you when you explore things on your own x

      • olliviette says:

        well for me, i cannot speak about anyone else, the reason why doing everything solo gets tiring is because i do EVERYTHING solo. I am single, I don’t have friends, my family isn’t nearby, I am not close to anyone, so every single aspect of my life is always encountered by myself.
        Sure, doing small things like shopping or going to the movies by yourself is fun and I think everyone should do it. But then when you’re facing EVERYTHING alone – i’m facing my health issues alone. I go to every function alone. I make life decisions alone. I go days without talking to people, days without having deep thoughtful conversations where I don’t have to censor myself, days where I feel like the weight of solo is causing me to drown.
        alone gets tiring.

  5. Yesss… 🙌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 thank you for addressing this! There is nothing wrong with enjoying an event, going to the cinema or having dinner by yourself. Society and the media has life all messed up and have us thinking that we will look sad, as if we don’t have friends, etc. Sometime last week, I invited two friends with me to a networking event and both had canceled because of their own reasoning. I was debating for hoursss whether I should still go or not, and I am glad I did after all! I’m sure if I went with them I would’ve had a different experience.

  6. Nice one, Christy! Kudos to you for not cancelling. I bet you would have. I genuinely think we get more out of events like that and are more approachable when solo 😊

  7. Lovely post. I really enjoy somtimes to be on my ow, and usually its because i get tred fro the fake frends. x

  8. I love this post. I do enjoy my own company…sometimes I wonder if it’s healthy to enjoy my own company this much but actually, I feel it’s a sign of good self esteem. I do love the company of others, too, but it can’t be just anyone, ya know! Love your zest for life.

  9. I loved loved LOVED this post!! I go to the movies by myself all the time and people think I’m crazy! Um, why? Because I want to see a movie that no one else wants to see? Like you said, I’m not going to force them! I love horror movies, but not all of my friends or family do, so I end up seeing most of them alone, and have a marvelous time doing it! I think it’s important to be okay to spend time by yourself, whether at home or out in the world. Some experiences can be more fun with friends around, but not always. Great post!! ❤

    xo Emily

    https://www.thatweirdgirllife(dot)com

    • Hey Emily
      Thank you!!!
      I couldn’t imagine missing a film I really wanted to see now. I love going to the cinema alone. It’s my favourite hobby 🙂
      Thank you so much for commenting x

  10. I’ve often been to the cinema alone, if you really want to see something, you shouldn’t need to feel obligated to take someone = also you don’t need to share popcorn! I am introverted, so whilst I do like going out and hanging out with friends, I also like to do things by myself. What you do when you go out, and whether you go alone or with someone is your decision!

    Ellyn x | Life Of A Beauty Nerd

    • Hey Ellyn,

      I agree, sometimes it feels less pressured doing an activity, whatever it may be on your own. If you’re introverted then it can be a less stressful experience as you only have to worry about yourself and will feel less pressure to behave extroverted.

      x

  11. kattieh says:

    I love going out on my own – I think it’s really important to get used to your own company and also become confident on being on your own! It’s great for independence too! One of my favourite things to do is go to the movies, that way I can see the movies I like. It’s also good for me as I’m an introvert, and although I enjoy going out with my friends, I also appreciate having quiet time! It helps me to reenergise and recharge my batteries!

    • Absolutely! It is important. If we always wait for company we may never do anything! I am sensing a theme, here. I’d describe myself as extroverted but when it comes to the cinema I don’t feel I need to go with a lot of people. I prefer to be completely immersed in the film. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment again 🙂 xx

  12. Lisa Alioto says:

    Love the boldness, which really shouldn’t be boldness but the norm. But nonetheless awesome, empowering article!

  13. Emily says:

    Wow! Props to you. I’m in my early twenties and crippled by social anxiety. The thought of crowds or situations I’m not familiar with terrifies me! I’m hoping its something I grow out of. This post was really empowering!💕

  14. Yes! I totally agree with you, especially when it comes to doing quirky things you enjoy that others just don’t get!
    I’m totally spending a few days in the summer exploring London and Essex on my own.

    Thanks for posting
    Georgia – https://britvoyage.com

  15. As an introvert I can relate to this post a lot. I wish more people understood that there are so many benefits to being alone. Being alone in public allows you to enjoy things without sorry about what others think. When you go out as a group you usually miss out on trying things because your friends may not like what you enjoy.

  16. Laura says:

    Hello darling, I totally agree. I love being on my own. I love experiencing the world, I love taking it all in, all to myself. I love enjoying a coffee or a meal. Or a cinema. There is nothing shameful about being on your own. Nice post!
    Laura / https://www.laustworld.com

  17. elenxmai says:

    I totally agree with you! I love going out and experiencing things by myself. I think it’s one of the most empowering things possible. It’s a lot more peaceful and allows me to do things at my own pace without worrying for the feelings of others. It gives me much-needed time to think and just get away from the fast-paced nature of everyday life. Thank you so much for articulating this so well and sharing your thoughts! xx
    El // Welsh Wanderer

  18. Daisy says:

    This! I always thought I was super weird going places on my own but now I prefer it! I’m autistic which makes being social anyways and sometimes it’s just easier to have my own space! Definitely going to be following more of your blog! :DD

    Daisy xoxo | TheDeeWhoLived

  19. Nancy says:

    This blog post is such my vibe right now. I found myself going out and doing things on my own lately. It’s not bad at all. While hanging out with people is great, we need that break sometimes. Thanks for the encouragement!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

  20. dr.rasi gupta says:

    Absolutely well said! If one can’t enjoy their own company, how can they ever be a good company to anyone else! Also one of the leading reasons why people get into bad relationships is they are scared to be alone- whatever that means! It is important to do things by yourself happily to get confident and content too!😊❤

  21. That’s true, I’ve done some many things alone but sometimes things can be more fun with a partner or two to spice things up and make it little more enjoyable. Thank you for sharing this!

  22. Tracy says:

    I love this! If you want to do something but it’s not your friend or SO’s thing then why not do it by yourself? Or if you just feel like going alone why let anyone stop you? You can enjoy experiences with others and alone and it doesn’t have to have some crazy stigma surrounding it!

    Tracy
    https://www.findyourdazzle.com

  23. Thanks for addressing this. I’m married but being single is not a disease. You should be able to enjoy your own company and do fun things on your own.

  24. I am with you, there’s so many things I do alone and have so much fun. I’ve been traveling alone for over a decade and love it. https://www.daisyandthyme.com/thyme-to-travel/the-world-through-daisys-camera/

  25. I’ve always wanted to be able to go out on my own but have found it hard because of my anxiety. This post makes me want to go out solo even more so maybe it’s time for an intervention.

    Thank you for posting <3

    Shannon – http://www.atnumber20.co.uk

  26. I love doing things solo. One of my favourites is solo travel. Even though I have a partner and love travelling with him, there’s still something so special about discovering a new place all by myself and taking some me time!

  27. Thanks for sharing this! I have never minded going out alone but after losing my husband in July, I have been struggling with this. I guess I don’t want people to think – oh poor Kim. But I am getting back to myself and look forward to my solo experiences!

    • Thank you for sharing that with me, Kimmie. I can understand wanting to avoid pity. It’s completely ridiculous. I guarantee no one looks at a man out and about alone and thinks anything. Obviously, it will take time but you will enjoy those solo experiences as they come 🙂 xx

  28. E says:

    I wholeheartedly agree. Doing things alone has given me so much more confidence, from going to a movie or gig solo to travelling by myself. And best of all, there’s no arguing with anyone else or sticking to someone else’s schedule! http://www.joyofblogs.com

  29. Lovely post! When I was in high school I went everywhere with friends, but when I started with university I started to enjoy being on my own more, going on a lunch and shopping by myself, applying for youth exchanges and meeting new people there. I think that once you get older its a lot easier to do things on your own.

  30. Suman Dhar says:

    Yes, it is definitely a terrifying thing to go out alone. But once you overcome that fear, nothing can beat it.

  31. poofbeegoneblog says:

    I blog about solo travel so I AM your Amen corner!!!!These are some of the similar points I make in my blogs. At the root of not wanting to do things alone is fear and insecurity. Once you get pass that, you can only soar!

  32. Bexa says:

    I love this post so much, you make so many brilliant points! It’s so true, why drag someone else along with you who may not be enjoying it as much as you are. I’ve always preferred going clothes shopping on my own, that way I can just go to the shops I want to and take my time over browsing and trying things on. I wouldn’t want to feel pressured into rushing if my friend is feeling bored. Solo travel, concerts and the cinema would be an awesome experience – thanks for the inspiration and ideas! Gorgeous photos too! ❤ xx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

  33. boldtruthmama says:

    I think it’s weird that there’s a stigma to going solo. I personally love alone time. As a writer it’s when I do my best thinking. I love talking my laptop to a cafe to write. Having lunch alone is a treat. I’m a work from home homeschool mom, so solo time is nice once in a while.

    • Me too.
      ”As a writer”, I hear that!
      I bet you really cherish your alone time as I imagine as a mom, you’re always on the go.
      I went to a coffee shop to write for the first time a few weeks ago, I was a bit anxious about it but in the end I managed to finish my blog post so I can see why people love to work in them so much 🙂

  34. aimsysantics says:

    I love this and your confidence! I wish I had the confidence to travel on my own; but I always think “Oh, so-and-so would like it here” etc. I did do a day trip on my own; and actually really enjoyed it so maybe this is the start of something new!

    Thansk for sharing an inspiring post!

    Aimsy xoxo
    Aimsy’s Antics

  35. I love this! I am happy in my own company but still reluctant to venture out on my own. When I was a lot younger I went to a Billy a joel concert on my own. Initially I felt awkward but that soon stopped when he started playing. Years later, I went to see him with a friend who didn’t really like him but I felt I should have company. I didn’t enjoy it half as much because I knew she wasn’t. I will try and be braver from now on, especially in these days of social distancing. A perfect time to start!

    • Thanks for your comment, Lindsay 🙂 I totally understand where you’re coming from. Another reason to book what you want and go on your own.
      Thanks for reading x

  36. Emma Farley says:

    I bleddy love going out on my own. I love a solo supermarket trip, cinema date, and going for a walk by the sea ❤️

  37. sseigler2 says:

    I go out alone all the time. I get tired of waiting on people to do things so I just go.

    • I find it best to make plans solo and if someone wants to join in that’s great. The likelihood of missing out is too high if we always wait for someone else to be available x

  38. Aisling O'Connor says:

    I’ve never gone to the cinema by myself but I love taking myself out to lunch! My family still think it’s odd, but you have to like you’re own company!

    Ash | thisdreamsalive.com

  39. I love going out alone too. There’s so many freedom.

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